7th Circle of Hell

Inherent Hatred

2005-12-20T13:20:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had someone you try so hard to get along with but can't seem to do so? I only ask because there's this co-worker of mine that I can't seem to get along with. Admittedly, there are good points about her, but I can't seem to see that --- I only seem to be able to focus on the bad points.

She's probably just trying her best to do her job properly, but everything she's been doing lately just seems to piss me off. I tried to ignore it, but lately, I just can't stand the mere sight of her. Is this a case of inherent hatred? Were we mortal enemies in a past life? I really don't know if she feels the same way about me --- but I'm pretty sure of the way I feel about her.

The world would be a better place if people just learn to live with each other peacefully. Alas, but the world is imperfect --- just like me.

From Guen's Blog

2005-11-24T09:34:00.000+08:00

Will you be my favorite regret?

Could I be your sweetest mistake?

Trade one step back for two ahead

Just a little time that's all

Don't be afraid to fall

This catch I won't forget

My favorite regret

Won't you let me chip away the stone?

Are you really better off alone?

Won't you let your guard down one more

Just like I've done mine

We'll look until find something neither will forget

My favorite regret

Will you be my favorite regret?

Cut the strings attached but save the thread

I know your feelings are probably right

But just this once tonight as you lay in your bed

Place a little on this bet

My favorite regret

--the gigolo aunts

Just Live!

2005-11-24T09:22:00.000+08:00

I picked up a laminated card at work today. It simply read:

JUST LIVE!

I kinda figured that that's a good idea. In two words, it sums up how I try to live my life. This is a short post. Why? JUST LIVE!

The End

2005-11-21T07:06:00.000+08:00

I forgot to mention that over the weekend, I learned from my friend, that he and his girlfriend have split up. It's sad, given that I even wrote something about them in the earlier posts of this blog. Anyway, to both of you --- good luck. It's time to move one.

Darn...that's another solid piece of evidence that nothing lasts forever. I think I'll devote my life to finding ways to make things last forever. Maybe a time-device that justs stops this damn world from turning. Maybe...

I wanna stay in bed

2005-11-21T06:55:00.000+08:00

I have a meeting today --- one which I'd rather not attend. I personally think that it's a monumental waste of time. Well, maybe I'm feeling that way because I've been on leave for the better part of 1 week now. And today my vacation ends. Back to the sweatshop I call work.

I used to have so much fun with my work. For the past 4 years I've been working, there has never been a time where my energy level dwindled. But lately, my energy reserves seem to have deserted me. I am so tired. I am so bored. I don't want to work anymore. I want to stay in bed.

Maybe my motivation for working somehow got lost in the myriad of tasks that I need to perform every single work-day. Maybe my motivation for working somehow changed --- and I wasn't able to catch up to the changing world. Maybe I'm just burned-out. Maybe.

After writing this post, I'll need to haul my sorry ass out of bed and into the bathroom for a shower and shave. After that, I'll grab my stuff, head for the car, and endure the morning traffic that the Philippines is famous for. And then I'll sit down through a mind-numbing exercise wherein my colleagues and I try to discuss the future of the company --- and maybe the world as we know it. My two-cents: why try to fix something when it ain't broken? Why can't we just leave things as they are?

Well, using my own life as a basis, I can definitely say that nothing lasts forever. You're given a taste of paradise, but after savoring the pleasure, it's taken away from you. Twisted how this world works. Twisted how we human beings are. Why can't we ever be satisfied with what we have? Why can't things just stay the same? ---- FOREVER!

My ideal world had passed me already. My Camelot has moved on into legend and myth. Maybe it's about time that I should move on as well. This hellish existence is really pissing me off!

An Afterthought

2005-11-20T18:42:00.000+08:00

After writing about the Seven Deadly Sins, I had an afterthought: why not write about the Seven Heavenly Virtues too. I contemplated making the same dissertation like the one above, but sadly realized that I could not do it for the Seven Heavenly Virtues (for obvious reasons). Anyway, I'll just list them down here, for everyone's perusal.

PRUDENCE

TEMPERANCE

JUSTICE

FORTITUDE

CHARITY

HOPE

FAITH

Looking at that list, I just realized that a person can have the 7 Heavenly Virtues, but at times, commit the 7 Deadly Sins. Funny how the paradox of life operates....7 Virtues and 7 Sins...and our lives all in between.

7 (Seven)

2005-11-20T17:44:00.000+08:00

Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth. Wonder what those are? If any of you saw the movie "Seven" (starring Brad Pitt), then that list of words will be very familiar. They are the 7 deadly sins.

Pride

Pride is the excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Who amongst us haven't had moments wherein we were excessively proud of ourselves, or something that we had done? And this is supposed to be the sin from which all others arise.

Envy

Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation. Who amongst us have not wanted to be someone else? I actually know a few people who like to "role-play" (if you know what I mean, then I guess I just committed another sin).

Gluttony

Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires. In the vernacular, takaw mata. However, this is also applicable to other things --- not just food. Taking more than our fair share of anything can be considered gluttony.

Lust

Lust is an inordinate craving for pleasures of the body. Need I say more?

Anger

Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath. Most of the times (especially when I'm stuck in traffic), this sin gets the better of all of us. I only wish I could control my own anger.

Greed

Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness. If this sin is in the list, then all of those who work are sinners! Who amongst us are working for the love of the job? I'm working for the money --- which is greed.

Sloth

Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work. This is exactly what I'm doing now. I really could be at church, attending the Sunday service, but here I am sitting at my PC, updating my blog.

Why the sudden interest in the Seven Deadly Sins? Hmm...I really don't know. Maybe because I've been seriously thinking of turning over a new leaf lately. Nah....I like the way I am. I try not to be lonely in the 7th Circle of Hell.

Have Gun, Will Travel

2005-11-20T07:56:00.000+08:00

I haven't been blogging lately. Maybe because I feel that there's nothing significant in my life that I'd like to write about. Well, here I am sitting at my PC on an early (gloomy) Sunday morning, banging away at something that resembles a post for my blog.

A few weeks back, I was stopped (on the way to work) at a police check-point. No worries, as I was not carrying any illegal firearms or narcotics. Or so I thought. After the routine check (which turned up nothing), one of the cops (maybe as an afterthouht) asked to see my license. And there's where the walls of Jericho caved-in.

I DIDN'T HAVE MY DRIVER'S LICENSE!!!

Bad turned to worst as all of the cops in the check point trooped to my vehicle, while muttering stuff about how deep-in-the-mud I was for this offense. "Impound the car!" intuned one of them. "Bring him to the precint" chimed another. You get the picture right?

It took a few minutes for me to realize what they were doing. This was a shake-down. They wanted a bribe. So, being late already for an important meeting at work, I mused "Baka naman po mayroon akong pwedeng maitulong sa inyo?" to the fat-jowled cop who seemed to be in-charge. EUREKA! As if I had muttered the magic words! He explained that driving without a license was a SERIOUS offense, but the he and his boys would be very willing to "help" me out --- probably really depending on the price I was willing to pay. To make a long story short, we agreed on the amount of PhP 1,500.00 --- quite a big amount for a small slip-up like leaving my license at home. Anyway, the deal was made --- thanks and gratitude was exchanged (although I really wasn't so thankful) --- and I made my sorry way to work, PhP 1,500.00 poorer.

Life is hard here in the Philippines. I can't blame the cops. However, their actions --- maligning the honor of the uniform they wear --- over such a small amount of money is saddening. Yes I understand that they have families to feed (maybe even mistresses to support), but is all that worth staining your honor and the honor of the profession you've chosen? Maybe it is, maybe it's not. Whatever their reasons were, I hope they are happy with the PhP 1,500.00 I gave them. I HOPE THEY ALL BURN IN HELL!!!!!

Also a few weeks back, there was this issue in the papers about a police rub-out of suspected car thieves. As I was reading the byline in the paper, I realized that I knew one of those who were slain --- a former classmate of mine in highschool. The papers were trumpeting up a storm regarding the actions of the police officers (all of which were caught on video) in ensuring that all 3 suspected carnappers were left dead. Rub-out? Maybe.

The police commander went on TV the following day explaining that his men had simply defended themselves. Maybe he's right. I mean, 3 mortally injured suspects, against a batallion of police officers toting semi-automatic weapons would indeed prove to be a threat to our ever-competent police force. Yes, they were a threat. DAMN COPS!

The threats here in the Philippines are both foreign and domestic. The threat of foreign nationals connected with terrorism around the globe scares me, but what scares me more is the more relevant threat posed by domestic terrorists. Domestic terrorists who go around the metropolis wearing a uniform of an organization whose motto is "To serve and protect". I wonder who they are serving? It's definitely not the people. I wonder who they are protecting? That I know ---- themselves --- as explained by the police commander about the rub-out case.

One of these days I hope that all terrorists --- foreign and more DOMESTIC --- should all burn in the fires of the 7th Circle of Hell. God have mercy on their souls --- NOT!

M.I.A.

2005-10-12T06:59:00.000+08:00

I was going through the picture files in my computer when I saw this picture. This is a picture of a friend of mine who I haven't seen in the longest time. We used to see each other everyday back in college, but now, as both of us have moved on in life, we don't get to see that much of each other.

Last I heard he lost his cellphone. Since they don't have a landline at home, the cellphone was the primary means of communicating. But now it's lost, and I can't seem to get in touch with him at all. Come to think of it, there's this other friend of mine who I can't seem to get a hold of for the past 2 months now. Maybe I should use this blog as a post for my missing-in-action friends.

So, for anyone who's seen this cool dude, drop me a comment. I need to get in touch with him asap.

Confusion

2005-10-12T04:16:00.000+08:00

That's exactly how I feel right now. The turmoil in my head coupled with the uncertainty in my heart produce a light show that nothing in nature can replicate. And just like in the picture above, everything is spinning --- nothing is clear.

I've been watching the Back to the Future movie trilogy lately, and some of the points raised in those movies touched a nerve with me. The future is not written --- we make our own future. I used to be like that. Now I don't seem to know who I am. I've gotten lost in the fabric of time, love, hope, and despair. The turmoil is real --- as real as the picture above. I can only find peace and solace in my one true friend --- Red Horse Beer. Hahahaha...

Starbucks Sunday and the Fountain of Youth

2005-10-04T16:24:00.000+08:00

Just last Sunday I was out with these two friends of mine. As of late we've all become so busy with our lives. Hard to imagine that just a few years ago we were always together. My friend on the right is busy with her college degree and her music career. She's the lead singer of one of upcoming indie bands and is very busy juggling her schedule between band practice, gigs, and school. The one on the left has a more colorful life. Aside from being an artist who paints and sketches --- believe me, her works are astounding --- she's also a part-time model for high-end fashion magazines. And me? Well.....no comment.

As we were sipping our drinks and catching up on what's been going on I just realized something. For true friends, time has no meaning or consequence. Despite not spending time with each other, when we're together it seems as though nothing has changed. Kinda like saying that time stands still when we're apart, and only starts ticking again when we're together. Following that logic, then friends are the key to the fountain of youth. In the eyes of your true friends, you don't age --- they don't age in your eyes either. The elusive fountain of youth can never be found because it's never in the same place. It can even be in your local Starbucks....but it will take more than the "Open sesame!" of Ali Baba to make it discoverable. It needs true friends.

Friends

2005-10-02T14:36:00.000+08:00

Last night I was out with a few friends of mine. What started out as an unplanned excursion to Barko along Kalayaan turned into a semi-reunion of friends and acquaintances I hadn't seen in a long time. Sadly, this is the only picture I snapped of the event.

These friends of mine were the ones I went to at Barko. Since I woke up really late (actually, that was early in the morning already), Barko was already closed when I got there, ergo, NO BEER FOR ME. Asking them if they'd like to move to another place, I suggested Big Sky Mind along Gilmore. I'm not a frequent customer of that place, but the ambiance there is not so bad. UP-types, artists, and ingenues hang-out there, but more importantly, they serve beer until 6am. So off we went.

When we got there, we saw 3 more friends of ours. This was turning into a regular small-group gathering. After a couple of rounds of beer (Red Horse and San Miguel Lights) we decided to venture out and forage for food. The eventual choice? Tapsi ni Vivian near Sta. Lucia East Mall. Funny, but when we got to the area, we couldn't seem to find it. Apparently (according to one of our friends) they transferred location --- just across the street. Therefore, being on the other side of the street, we were all looking out the wrong side of the car. We finally found it, and had our fill of tapsi. After that, another couple of hours of hanging out (as we had missed each other's company apparently), we finally decided to call it a day (actually, it was more like 2 days). Funny how time passes when you're having fun with friends.

After this, I'm going out to meet other friends from college. Maybe I'll have as much fun as I did last night. I can only wish....

Homophobic homophobe

2005-09-28T02:31:00.000+08:00

My close friends know that I'm homophobic. Don't get me wrong, but I have homosexual friends. However, whenever I see homosexuals in large groups, that's when I become really homophobic.

The reason for my being homophobic is something that's always puzzled me. I have never had a "bad" experience with homosexuals, however, I really feel uneasy around large groups of homosexuals. Sometimes I wonder why I am this way. I am very sure of my sexuality so that's not the reason for my homophobia. I have homosexual friends, so that's not the reason either. It's just those large groups of homosexuals that sends shivers down my spine.

My homosexual friends know that I'm homophobic. When we're together, they avoid bringing me to their "group meetings". I appreciate the fact that they are sensitive to this design flaw of mine, but somehow I'd like to develop some level of immunity to large groups of homosexuals. As the wholisitic person that I'd like to become, I'd want to be able to be around large groups of homosexuals without feeling uneasy. Maybe in the near future....but definitely not now, as I still am wary of large groups of homosexuals.

An idle mind is the devil's playgroud

2005-09-25T09:18:00.000+08:00

For all my 28 years of existence, I have yet to feel content with what I've done. For me, contentment with myself is top priority. I only feel content when I'm drunk. Why is this so? Am I really so hard to please?

Lying in my bed, my mind drifts into alternate realities (the alcohol really helps with this one). Realities where I am both the Prince and the Pauper. Realities that leave me both happy and sad at the same time. When my mind wanders, I feel calm. But when I am jerked back into the reality of this world, the turmoil starts up again. When will I ever find peace?

An idle mind is the devil's playground. Maybe...